The end of the year is usually a time for reflection, gratitude, and planning. While so many of us are eager to turn the page on 2020, there’s always a lesson to learn when we slow down and take time for self-reflection. This is my first year writing an annual review and doing so publicly. It’s my attempt at staying accountable and being able to track my progress throughout the years.  It’s important to acknowledge both what went well and what could have gone better.

COVID

In 2020, nothing went as planned - in the best and worst ways possible. At the end of 2019, I planned an exciting year where I’d get to explore the world, develop my business, and work on my self-development. The main highlight was a month-long trip to Mexico where I was going to meet all of my immediate family and visit my friends in Guadalajara. 

Well… I don’t need to tell you, none of this happened. My excitement for 2020 was quickly derailed by the very dramatic shutdown of NYC when COVID hit mid-March. I was in complete disbelief that the city had come to a complete stop, lost my job, and was quarantined at home. At the time, I couldn’t grasp the implications of what was happening in the news, to my friends and family, and to myself. 

While I had been working part-time from home for several months, self-isolation was a different story. All things considered, I did pretty well. I’ve always been happy staying at home, reading and working on my computer. At first, I made plans to fill all the extra time I suddenly had. I downloaded fitness apps, attended a couple of online yoga classes, and prepared meditation podcasts. But that didn’t work out so well. While I had more time, I didn’t have the mental energy. The uncertainty of what the world would look like after lockdown caused waves of anxiety and fear to overcome me. Like many people around the world, I was just trying to stay afloat.

In my case, I learned to be kinder to myself and to embrace the fact that productivity is not an end goal in life. There are still a few things I’m happy about during this weird period of time: I was able to find bliss in the stillness of my day to day life, I reconnected with old friends, strengthened current friendships, learned a couple of card games, watched a lot of Drag Race and anime, spoke to my family more, and simply had time to explore my curiosities.

Racial Reckoning

In June, the whole world was thrown into a conversation about race following the death of George Floyd. Every social media post, news story, podcast, and the conversation was about race. I had to confront my own racial identity, unconscious biases, and the divisiveness in this country and even within my social circle. It was a challenge to process the speed of how the movement was unfolding. I had difficult conversations and disagreements with friends and family. 

However, the conversation was long overdue. The US had reached a boiling point with a long history of racism and mistreatment of minorities. It was inspiring to see communities organize, protest, and provide resources. People all over the world were on the streets demanding civil liberties and basic human rights. I participated, I marched, I learned, and I was humbled. One of my biggest highlights was joining the massive Black Trans Lives Matter march in Brooklyn. For the first time, after months of being locked down, I was able to see my friends, my community, and celebrate inclusivity and diversity. The work is far from over, it’s a long road ahead, but by everyone taking part in the conversation, we can all ensure a better and more just society for the generations to come. 

Mental Health & Nutrition 

This was a pivotal year in regards to mental health. I have struggled with insomnia and anxiety for a few years now, but I finally reached a tipping point this year. I was at a point where I was tired of being tired. I was constantly fatigued, irritable, and unable to concentrate or be productive. My lack of sleep and anxiety were having serious implications on my life, dreams, and goals. So for the first time in my life, I turned to mental health professionals. I saw a psychiatrist and I’m currently seeing a therapist. Navigating mental health resources was very overwhelming, but after seeking their help I asked myself just one question: why didn’t I do this earlier? 

With COVID turning my attention to my immune system and nutrition, I made this a top priority. During the lockdown, I made an extensive list of vitamins, minerals, and natural supplements. I made it a goal of mine to actually understand what all these supplements are and how they affect my body. Ever since then, my supplement game has been on point.

The biggest improvement to my health this year has been my engagement with a nutritionist over the Fall. With their help, I have transitioned into a mostly Paleo diet and gained valuable knowledge on different types of foods. I look at food totally differently now and have improved all aspects of my health, including my overall energy and mood. This has been one of my most valuable investments this year. 

Relationships

With lockdowns and social restrictions, some of my most impactful lessons came from my social relationships. As much as I enjoy solitude and staying at home, forced physical distancing was another beast. Although I did not miss parties and big events, I missed the familiar faces I would bump into. Physical space and time gave me the opportunity to miss certain people and to acknowledge what they meant to me. Although physically distanced, video chatting and Zoom hangouts gave me the opportunity to connect with people in a different way and rekindle old friendships. 

Although many of my friendships strengthened, others drifted apart. Whether it was due to physical distance, the mass exodus of NYC, or simply necessary, it was difficult to process the speed of change in my social circle. Everyone was faced with unprecedented challenges and we were just doing the best we could. This year I learned to not take friendships for granted and I must work to cultivate my relationships. Some people will offer support in the most unexpected ways and we should offer gratitude to the ones that drifted away.

Nuance 

And finally, my biggest takeaway from 2020 is how nuanced life is. There is no one right answer, and the answer is not binary. When it comes to social-political and interpersonal issues, the reality is, that things are much more complicated and nuanced. 

It’s our duty to question our assumptions. It’s our duty to stay well informed and keep a critical eye on the news and media. It’s our duty to self-reflect and brings a better version of ourselves to the new year. 

I have so many thoughts as to what I could improve in 2021. Being more mindful of my time and mental energy, getting more comfortable saying no and calling mom more often are among the few ones that come to mind. But after such a strange year, I don’t feel like being too prescriptive. 

Life isn’t always perfect. If there’s something 2020 has taught me, it’s to appreciate the detours; to enjoy the pit stops; to collect unexpected memories. I don’t know what the new year will look like, but I’m ready to see what’s next.